Do you ever have days, or weeks, where you feel like your weaknesses are shining brighter than anything else, no matter how hard you try? I certainly do, and that was this last week for me.
I can already tell that the recovery process might be more challenging for me than the decline was. In my mind, I am an active mom of three busy kids. I exercise daily, cook, clean, entertain, work in the yard, and happily execute my days with patience and ease. Well, I may be all of that in my mind, but my body knows better. I am a sick mom of three busy kids. I don't even know where to begin to start exercising again, I sometimes cook, try to clean, probably let my kids watch too much tv, would like to work in the yard, and somehow get through my days, patience gone and happy to climb into bed.
I am reluctantly realizing that I can't do it all, and that is hard. I have always been so able and now I am having to practice patience and continue relying on others. Well i'll be the first to admit it, patience is not one of my strongest virtues. In fact, i've been praying a lot for help with that, especially when it comes to being a patient Mom. (Maybe that's my problem? Don't you always hear people say how they prayed for patience, then of course, were given trials, or experiences, that required them to exercise a lot of it? haha darn it) In my prayers, I ask Heavenly Father to bless me with just a few seconds. I need Him to give me a few seconds, right before reacting, to stop, and think of His son. How would He react? I have said this same prayer before. Almost two years ago, when Gunther was giving me a run for my money and I was at a loss as what to do. I found a journal entry from that time, August 2013...
This week I have felt the spirit countless times, but I am very grateful for the experience I had on Monday. It was also the day I chose to rededicate myself to be better. That morning I had prayed for patience and the ability to teach my children as the Savior does. My prayers were answered. I was so blessed. The boys made a lot of messes and were needing a lot of guidance. Every time I needed to discipline them or tell them "no," I felt the power of heaven with me. Heavenly Father blessed me with a few extra seconds to take a deep breath, really see their little, innocent and curious faces, and then gave me the thought, 'explain it to them.' I felt as though Heavenly Father was standing by my side, watching the whole situation, then, he'd lean forward, touch my arm, and whisper, "explain it to them." I was able to explain why I was telling them no, instead of just shouting "NO!" and leaving them confused and me angry. I am grateful to be able to call upon the powers of heaven for strength and help to raise my beautiful, smart children. I was blessed to see them as our Heavenly Father and Jesus see them. I know they live and I know they hear my prayers and want to help me.
I am grateful to be able to look back, see the Lord's hand in my life and be strengthened, yet again, by His power. Though, at this stage in my kids' life, maybe if they'd stop throwing fits for one second, they'd be able to hear me trying to "explain it to them." ;) The Lord knows, so I'm sure, as I try my hardest and rely on Him, He'll send me another phrase, or thought, that will help me be more patient and allow the spirit to stay in our home.
I am lucky to be surrounded by family and friends who radiate love and patience. I not only see them exercise patience in their lives, and with their individual trials, but also as they have helped my family and I. They are in it for the long haul, and they are unwavering. I especially am grateful for mine and Jake's moms, who have shown so much patience with my children, that it would probably benefit me a great deal if I followed them around, pen and paper in hand, and took notes. Talk about a blessing! Being able to be so close to two of the most Christ like people I know, for these last five months, has been a gift that my children and I will forever cherish and never forget.
I know that we will all have hard days and I know, if I exercise patience, I will be able to do, and be, everything that I desire. Like my friend said, "It took you months to fight it (cancer), it will take you months to recover."
What I also know is that we all have a Heavenly Father who is anxious to help us through those hard days. He even gave His son, Jesus Christ, to help us. They are there for us, for whatever it is that we may need, all we have to do is ask. On this Easter weekend, I am grateful for the atonement and the resurrection. I know that Jesus Christ lives, and through Him, we can have joy and eternal life. What a beautiful gift.
Happy Easter! xoxo Jen
P.S. Prayers are answered! I had the genius idea to potty train Gunther AND Birdie this last week... I am so thrilled to say that you cannot find a single diaper at our house anymore! I never thought i'd live to see the day. I had actually bought a whole box of diapers the day before I started potty training the kids (didn't think that one through), so the other night I delivered almost 200 diapers to my neighbor. We all know how precious diapers are; as I gave them to her, she probably could have cried with gratitude, as for me, I wanted to cry for joy! Whoop Whoop!